The Upside of Rejection

Like Buddha on a lily pad, you have to go zen...

Like Buddha on a lily pad, you have to go zen...

Rejection is a part of everyday life. Not even the attractive, powerful or wealthy are spared the stinging, ego-decimating effects of “no.”  By choosing to fully partake in life (as opposed to sitting passively on the sidelines), you risk hurt and failure.

But, what does rejection mean about our worth, attractiveness or value?  Nothing, usually.  It is simply one person’s opinion that is often mired in their own history, emotional tenor or personal preferences.

Here are a few thoughts on dealing with rejection:

#1. Develop a sense of detachment.

In Deepak Chopra’s book, “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success,” he writes, “Today I will commit myself to detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will not force solutions on problems, thereby creating new problems.” 

Commit to allowing life’s course to flow without your rigid thoughts as to how things should be.  Allow yourself to imagine the possibility of better love or a richer relationship in the realm of possibility. Let life flow as it should. 

#2.  Your self-worth springs from inside. 

Never allow another person to make you doubt your self-worth.  No one (not even close friends or family) have the right to speak about your value.  Develop a strong sense of confidence and high self-esteem and walk away from any person who tries to chip away at it.  Develop a mindset (no matter how difficult) that you alone are the arbiter of your worth.  

#3.  Be gracious in the face of rejection.

Want to separate yourself from the crowd?  Act with class, grace and dignity and you will be head and shoulders above the rest. 

Have you ever rejected someone and their reaction is to cry, scream, belittle and (maybe even) stalk you?  In the fact of such reaction, you likely develop stronger confidence in your decision, correct?  

Now, imagine the opposite: in the face of your rejection, someone graciously tells you that they understand and wishes you the best.  If they quietly let you go (knowing that they deserve unrequited love), you may wonder if you made the right decision.  Regardless of the outcome, I bet you would always think of them as a class act, beyond reproach. 

#4.  Broker in abundance, not scarcity. 

Ever have a friend who obsesses about the “one that got away” for years at a time? What a waste!  By cultivating a narrow mindset, they falsely trick themselves into believing that there is only one perfect partner in the world for them.  Nothing could be further from the truth!

Want to know a more effective response?  Dress up in something that makes you feel confident, put on a smile and get back out into the world!  Every night that you sit at home and wallow in misery is another missed opportunity to meet someone who is truly right for you!

#5. Expect the best.  

When I was single, I regularly referenced a mantra that I had written down: “Better to be alone than with the wrong person.”  You know how I define the “wrong person”?  Any man who is ambivalent in his feelings about me. Would I want to go to dinner with someone who is scanning the room for someone more attractive or exciting?  Hell, no!

Every rejection is an opportunity to find someone who is your soul mate—that special person you get up and feel excited to spend time with everyday.  Your job is just to find them!  So, train like a marathon runner, facing obstacles in your way (both internally and externally) from a place of strength and courage.  Keep going forward!!


Monica Parikh