#6. Give From the Saucer, Not the Cup.
For our fourth session, Tara comes to my home in Brooklyn. My home is a zen haven--soft lighting, organic fibers & a monochromatic color scheme. I serve a California Sauvignon Blanc with French brie. I want my clients to feel relaxed and calm, so we can work more efficiently.
“What have you noticed since our last session?”
“I have been logging my feelings at 9am, 4pm and 10pm like you suggested. I never realized it—but I’m exhausted and overwhelmed,” Tara said sheepishly.
“What’s making you so tired?”
“Everything. I hate my job. My company downsized, so I do the work of 3 people. I barely have time to eat lunch,” she replied. “Ever since Matt and I broke up, I can’t sleep. I leave the television on all night. I stopped exercising because I'm so depleted.”
She looks on the verge of crying.
“When you’re exhausted, what do you do?”
“I push through,” she replies.
“Then what happens?” I ask.
“I have a panic attack,” Tara replies. “Or my anxiety spirals. The voices in my head tell me all the reasons I'm a loser.”
A tear streams down her cheek. I reach across the coffee table and gently touch her arm.
“You’re developing awareness.”
“Thanks to you, I started to slow down. Last week, I took a hot bath with Epsom salt. I got a massage. On Saturday, I took a nap—my first in a decade. I turned off my phone and read in bed.”
“How did slowing down make you feel?”
“Guilty,” Tara laughs. “But, so much better. By the end of the week, I felt calmer and happier. I still miss Matt. But, I started thinking, ‘I’m going to be fine.’”
“So, you’re seeing the connection between self-care and anxiety?”
“I didn’t realize I was completely drained. It was ‘normal.’ I want to make a change—I want to treat myself better.”
Through my business, School of Love NYC (www.schooloflovenyc.com), I teach the importance of adequate sleep, good nutrition, daily exercise, uplifting relationships and a daily meditation or prayer practice.
As clients practice regular self-care and learn to assert boundaries (claiming space for their own needs), they experience greater happiness and success--in all areas of life.
“Give from the saucer, not the cup. If you give from the cup, you’re going to feel drained. You always want to give from the overflow of energy and love within you,” I say.
“Why do I feel guilty when I do nice things for myself?”
“You are undoing decades—if not generations--of social conditioning. But, over-giving is a treatable affliction,” I wink.
“Lately, I don’t even want to be around people.”
“Remember that energy always flows from a higher to lower vibration. As you raise your own frequency, people at lower levels will drain you. You may have to limit contact with certain people.”
“What’s happening to me, Monica?”
“You’re ascending to a higher level of consciousness. You’re learning to be happy on your own,” I smile. “I’m helping you reclaim the pedestal, so you can attract the right partner—one who is willing to do the work to foster love that deepens over time.”
How did Tara not realize she was exhausted?
How have women especially been conditioned to over-give?
Why is it so important to give from the saucer, not the cup?